Tuesday, September 25, 2007

happy mooncake fest

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, ShOuT~

Posted by Ddee at 9:10 PM

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

how to fall in love?

How to fall in love?




**Just a sudden silly random question that popped up in the middle of the night

Labels: ConTempLatiOn

Posted by Ddee at 1:17 AM

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

What do you look for in a relationship?

In quest to answer this question, my MSN friends were questioned:

I look for security and commitment...long term vision i must say.
A relationship that makes me 'livelier'... from both negative and positive emotions
where...
if i look back...i know dat it has made my life a lil more complete...something that.. if it didn't happened, the 'value' of life is lesser.
Eventho it's jealously or quarrel moments.. it's miss-able.
- *O**T*, female

Comfort, support and security... secure in trust and commitment to each other i guess... regardless of time or distance.. but in the times tat do matter...
- **A*O*, female

Emphatic listening.
... and only when you are sincere, open and genuine then u can talk and share.
- **O**E, female

A companion of a life time... someone who accepts my good and my bad sides and helps me be the best person i can be...
- *I**A, female

I'm lookin for someone to complement me in life...
The literal soulmate i guess
- **R***E, male

Warmth, affection, mutual respect, reciprocality... all that stuff. Lots of hugs and intellectual conversations.
- *A***O*, male

I guess doing things together.
availability , love and to be loved to some extend.
- *D*, male

So, what does this show?

It's hard to get male respondents *haha*
I can't just simply ask any guys in my list, I have to screen them first though mah *kidding

Let's summarize:

Females look for a relationship that helps them to understand themselves and be a better person. A relationship that gives them the sense of security *not financially* and comfort. We need commitment, emphatic listening and strong support to make it work and we assume that being in a relationship means that we do care and 'love' each other. We are looking for something intangible, very abstract and emotional. Are we asking for too much?

Males, on the other hand, look for something more physical? Oopz..hope I don't spread any wrong perceptions here. Well, I am sure females also long for affection, warmth, togetherness and so on... but interestingly, we don't state this in the answer. We go beyond that. More intrinsic I think, something that may be too ideal at times, but doesn't stop us from dreaming and hoping. Dreams are great. Hopes are great. They keep us alive (Count how many fairytale stories and dramas we have ^^).

At the beginning, we want them to stay true, care and love us always. Someone who needs to understand us and make us feel like we're the One. Someone to share our happiness and sadness, someone who will keep assuring you on your beautiful life. Someone who laugh and cry with you. Someone who look at you and you'll feel thousand times better just coz he/she feels with you. But, do we even give the same amount of what we ask for? Or do we only 'take' and never 'give' in return? It's tiring if it's so...

I remembered our AIESEC NTU BBQ Outing, we had a sharing on this issue. People say they look for a caring partner, someone they can rely to, someone who is indepent and understanding. A committed relationship. If I could, I would love to have all these traits and characteristics. How ideal huh? But perfection is not what I am looking for, I want someone that I can hold on to, someone that I can relate and not too high-up-there that I find it hard to even talk to. Someone who is ordinary is best.

Caring - check
Understanding - check
Honest - check
Kind - check
Loyal - check
Committed - check
and the list goes on and on and on.... (are we even that great to ask for so many things?)

At times, do we ask for too much from our counterpart, but we ourselves fail to give what they need? Do we even deserve to ask for so many things in a relationship?

What I want... If I could use one word, I want security. I want to be able to trust him in everything he did, does and will do. I want to commit in whatever I say and promise. I want to support him all the way. I want someone who can protect me and be there when I need him the most. I want to be able to understand him. I want someone whom I can talk to and be myself. And I want him to feel the same way too. Therefore, the security can come in peacefully.

Nah, a friend always refers this security to financial matters. It's not a must, it's an added-value dear ^.*

For me, security sums it all. Are we asking too much?

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LoVe

Posted by Ddee at 8:48 PM

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

loneliness kills

Dear diary,

It feels weird that I have no single idea on why I feel the way the I feel. I think I am confused over so many things and I don't know what to do. I don't like uncertainties, especially when I am expecting things to happen...or well..at least in the future.

A friend told me about the political situation in Ukraine. There's a tension among the president and the PM parties, both are Viktor :) Hm.. more than 30,000 gathered at Kiev, the capital of Ukraine. Hopefully it's a peaceful act for all. I want to go!

I am still waiting for the letter from the Ukraine. I think I troubled the people there to get me a new official authorised letter. This may take up to two weeks. Please give it to me in time and I hope that's enough for me to get my visa. I really want to go! Ah..I need to do a health check-up :(

Well, whether I will go or not, I am left with many things to do here. I have to start (really really start) packing my 4-yrs accumulated assets in Singapore and move them to my sis' place. Temporary storage place haha. Can anyone 'donate' more boxes to me please? I have no idea how to start packing my things, too many of them and I may use them within these few weeks time too. It's not that easy to pack and leave too yah *sigh...

Yesterday was also my 1st official meeting with my mentees. Three of them, and all girls. So, we're a 4-member family. Han Ling, Lucia and Lan, added up with Diana. So, it's HL2D or DHL2 or H2LD or watever. We talked about the ups and downs on my term, how we can survive and come out stronger than ever, our future dreams, ..., ... and @conferences. We reminisced on our NLDS which-was-successful-in-breaking-the-reservoir-of-tears (Thanks for making my last NLDS a memorable one friends) to my IC in Poland. It reminded me of my study trip to Gdanks, the friends that I met, the sweet things that happened, the ups and downs in a conference, the food, the crying scene (I didn't bring this up, but I remembered clearly about our last day, especially the Closing Ceremony) and many more.

I think I am very lucky to be able to experience IC inPoland in my life. To meet new friends that became a close friends in just a few days time. A friend who looked at you and knew that you're having a hard time, and just by looking at them you know that they do care. A friend who went to you and asked 'Are you ok? You looked sad today'. A friend who went the extra mile to 'make' a cup for you so that you can drink water (and not alcohol ^^). A friend whom you didn't need to talk alot when you're together but you treasure it even more. A friend that greeted you every morning and made sure you got what you need. A friend who was also your secret angel, looking from afar, protecting you. Sorry if I wasn't a good friend at all.

Hm.. I think my mellow mood is playing its game again. Maybe coz I finished Princess Hour (24 episodes) in 3 days, and I like it so much that it takes over more emotions that what is needed. It's sweet, funny, mellow movie that fortunately didn't take much of my tears haha the movie does show that sweet little things matter more.

Realized that my life is too plain after watching this movie. Emotional roller coaster. I like Chaegyung for being the 'sunshine' for everyone, and yet she noticed the loneliness in Shin's eyes. I like Shin for his warm heart and the small little things he did. Geez... Doing many things but having no one to share them, just add another pile of 'burden' inside. I miss sharing them.


I miss the hands that will hold mine.

ps: Sweet dream Diary. Promise you'll be there to share k.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn

Posted by Ddee at 11:08 PM

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Friday, January 26, 2007

game-over

O


OV


OVE


OVER


...


It's OVER!

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 12:21 AM

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Friday, January 12, 2007

long wait and pain

If I told you that I choose to let it go, would you come and tell me not to?
If I told you that it's just too hard to bear, would you come and stand by me?
If I told you that the wound hurts more than ever, would you come and heal my pain?
If I told you that the feeling is no longer there, would you believe me?
If I told you that it's finally over... then let it be!

***

Gosh, been a freakin' busy week...doing my Final Year Project which finally sees light at the end of the dark tunnel *what a long wait for you to come...

And Blogger.com isn't doing a favour too...I can't upload pics when they say it tells you 1 million stories...

Grumpy me isn't helping either...and I feel bad for not being a more positive person and released my 'anger' to those who care about me...

I am sorry!!

My wish for all: Let's just ROCK the new year!!

Gambarimasyou mina-san...

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 2:51 AM

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Monday, January 01, 2007

2..0..0..7

Usher the New Year 2007...

So, let's welcome the lucky number fiVe *what a random thing to do..

5 New Year Resolution:

• Wanna be a better person [the same resolution since the year 2000]
• Live a healthier lifestyle [hard but well...I'll try. Dance more @ dances haha]
• Get ready for my future [plan plan plan: exchange, work, National Support Team, International Congress, get married?]
• Family and friends as my two most important assets [A lot of times I am caught up in my own world... will try my very best not to. If you saw me, please say Hi too]
• Be happy!

5 things that make me happy

• Gathering and sharing sessions with friends and family. Full of stories, juicy gossips n news, tricky games and updates.
• I like surprises..good ones I mean. Not bad news or any last minute fire-fighting rescue team
• Good food ~ Spicy, soupy, yummy. I love choco n ice-cream too wakaka. A life in heaven.
• Meeting and interacting with people. I can't stand desk-job, it bores me to death, I need to go out and meet people
• When the people that I care are happy too... so glad and blessed!

5 things that frustrate me [and possibly piss me off]

• Indecisiveness - yes for yes, no for no. Be sure of what you want, don't just let other people control you.
• Too much unnecessary crap - Cut the crap, listen to others, avoid repetition as not everyone has a lot of free time to hear everything also. I know we're all smart and thus we have alot of things to say, but please... at times, it is really not necessary
• Too many red tapes or formalities *arghh.... just let me do it before I lost my passion haha. Rules are meant to be broken too
• When things do not work the way I plan or want it to be. Guess everybody will feel the same too
• Irresponsibility. Walk the talk. Do not runaway. Don't promise if you couldn't put your best effort. Don't say yes when you don't mean it. Be committed to what you said, promised and committed

5 things that make me cry

• When I think I failed or screwed up. When I can do much better than what I actually performed. The feeling is unbearable at times and s*cky to the max.
• Sad, touching, inspirational movies/songs or those with memories *aihh
• Emotional emptiness or losing something that is so precious to me
• Too happy and excited over something that I laugh uncontrollably or just tears of happiness
• Garlic and spicy spices on my eyes haha

So, make the most out of your life k!

Happy New Year once again.. Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu ^^

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 1:04 AM

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Sunday, December 31, 2006

...

Do you think that the biggest and most precious thing that a human has is the heart?
.
.
.
.
So, when it feels empty so suddenly,
as though a huge part of it was taken away,
and the remaining heart is just way too heavy to be lifted up Again...

I don't like it.
.
.
Till when should you fight and strive to make things work?
or simply to make it happens in the very first place.
How do I know if it worths the battle?

I don't know.
.
.
Am I just choosing to be blinded?
Is it real?
or am I simply dwelling in the past?

I feel tired.
.
.
Feels like it's been 'winter' all along,
Will my 'spring' ever come?

I don't like this feeling.
.
.
Will it work?
Will it ever come?
Will it worth my fight?



Picture taken from Getty Images.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, Emo~

Posted by Ddee at 5:06 AM

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

bus...buses....bus...buses...

Er...ask you ah..

How long will you wait till the 'right' bus comes?
How many buses passed before you decided to hop in?
How do you know if it's the 'right' bus?
Why do you have to wait for the 'right' bus?
When you realize it is not the 'right' one, will you bear and just wait?
Will you alight and hop onto another one?
or Will you alight and stop waiting?

I dunno....

ps: Exam results are out... ^^
pps: FYP is killing me. Gosh, I can't find any cash sponsorship now. What should I do? What...
ppps: I wanna go home for Chinese New Year. Should I? It's gonna be right after my event, and it may not be the right time to leave. Groupmates comment..er, that's after the event, we'll be busy with reports. Er..dunno ler! *aihh...
ppps: Poison vs. Jump onto Spore River vs. Runaway bride vs. Over-eating

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, Cr*p, UnHaPpiNesS

Posted by Ddee at 10:32 PM

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Friday, December 01, 2006

grateful dee

When someone tells you that your presence in the world does make a difference...

You should be really grateful.

For I am grateful for 'angels' who enrich my life, I am grateful I am also an 'angel' for someone else.

"I miss you warm smiles"

"You always cheer me up"

Grateful for whoever I have.
Grateful for whatever happens.
Grateful for everything.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 11:27 AM

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Four years ago, I had a bet with my hi-skool teacher. A teacher that I used to dislike, but ever since my exchange trip to Japan with him as the supervisor and organizer, I learned to know him more and we became friends. But this is not the point... *hihi

I was complaining to him about how I was so unprepared for my Unified Chinese Exam [UEC - equivalent to A level] when out of the blue he said, "If you scored more than 5As, I'll treat you in a nice restaurant." I was too pessimistic that I negotiated for 3As.

A big NO was thrown on my face *wakaka

In the end, I scored more than that. But the treat hasn't been realized till now. I am fine with that as his trust over me is much more precious than a nice meal. I guess I was LUCKY, considering I went for a Genting trip a month before the exam to support my friend's singing competition [while my classmates started studying since the beginning of the year].

It happened again, one night in February when I was checking my email. I received an offer from NTU *yeay* and it was for my first choice of faculty *yeay yeay*. I guess I was darn LUCKY that I got what I want.

But then again, I don't consider myself LUCKY just because of the big big things that happened, are happening, happens and will happen in my life.

The sweet small little things do brighten my life.

MSN chatting:
Ah...Test gue besok, doain ya! [My test is tomorrow. Pray for me yar :)]
Everyday!
*smug*

SMSes:
when you need someone ...
to be there for you ...
I will just sit ...
right beside you!
MOVE A LITTLE BIT LAH, SO I CAN SIT!

my AIESEC sugarcubes that never fail to bring back my smile:
"... you always wake me up haha. ... stay in the same room with you is just like a family"
"... Really admire your passion, good spirit and great sense of fun!"

The endless support and encouragement that I receive. From JIA YOU, All the best, Take care, Aza aza fighting, you can do it, G'luck ya, pasti aku doain, and so on and on.

From smiles, taps on my shoulder, listening ears, hugs, hands that ready to lift me up, ...

I AM A LUCKY GIRL!!

Ahh..and you know what? I am GRATEFUL that I have my angels looking after me ^.*

ps: I really need that LUCK next Thursday, so please stay my dear angels.

pps: Two scary papers are over. Don't ask me how they were, I won't think about them haha

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 8:57 PM

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