Thursday, April 05, 2007

What do you look for in a relationship?

In quest to answer this question, my MSN friends were questioned:

I look for security and commitment...long term vision i must say.
A relationship that makes me 'livelier'... from both negative and positive emotions
where...
if i look back...i know dat it has made my life a lil more complete...something that.. if it didn't happened, the 'value' of life is lesser.
Eventho it's jealously or quarrel moments.. it's miss-able.
- *O**T*, female

Comfort, support and security... secure in trust and commitment to each other i guess... regardless of time or distance.. but in the times tat do matter...
- **A*O*, female

Emphatic listening.
... and only when you are sincere, open and genuine then u can talk and share.
- **O**E, female

A companion of a life time... someone who accepts my good and my bad sides and helps me be the best person i can be...
- *I**A, female

I'm lookin for someone to complement me in life...
The literal soulmate i guess
- **R***E, male

Warmth, affection, mutual respect, reciprocality... all that stuff. Lots of hugs and intellectual conversations.
- *A***O*, male

I guess doing things together.
availability , love and to be loved to some extend.
- *D*, male

So, what does this show?

It's hard to get male respondents *haha*
I can't just simply ask any guys in my list, I have to screen them first though mah *kidding

Let's summarize:

Females look for a relationship that helps them to understand themselves and be a better person. A relationship that gives them the sense of security *not financially* and comfort. We need commitment, emphatic listening and strong support to make it work and we assume that being in a relationship means that we do care and 'love' each other. We are looking for something intangible, very abstract and emotional. Are we asking for too much?

Males, on the other hand, look for something more physical? Oopz..hope I don't spread any wrong perceptions here. Well, I am sure females also long for affection, warmth, togetherness and so on... but interestingly, we don't state this in the answer. We go beyond that. More intrinsic I think, something that may be too ideal at times, but doesn't stop us from dreaming and hoping. Dreams are great. Hopes are great. They keep us alive (Count how many fairytale stories and dramas we have ^^).

At the beginning, we want them to stay true, care and love us always. Someone who needs to understand us and make us feel like we're the One. Someone to share our happiness and sadness, someone who will keep assuring you on your beautiful life. Someone who laugh and cry with you. Someone who look at you and you'll feel thousand times better just coz he/she feels with you. But, do we even give the same amount of what we ask for? Or do we only 'take' and never 'give' in return? It's tiring if it's so...

I remembered our AIESEC NTU BBQ Outing, we had a sharing on this issue. People say they look for a caring partner, someone they can rely to, someone who is indepent and understanding. A committed relationship. If I could, I would love to have all these traits and characteristics. How ideal huh? But perfection is not what I am looking for, I want someone that I can hold on to, someone that I can relate and not too high-up-there that I find it hard to even talk to. Someone who is ordinary is best.

Caring - check
Understanding - check
Honest - check
Kind - check
Loyal - check
Committed - check
and the list goes on and on and on.... (are we even that great to ask for so many things?)

At times, do we ask for too much from our counterpart, but we ourselves fail to give what they need? Do we even deserve to ask for so many things in a relationship?

What I want... If I could use one word, I want security. I want to be able to trust him in everything he did, does and will do. I want to commit in whatever I say and promise. I want to support him all the way. I want someone who can protect me and be there when I need him the most. I want to be able to understand him. I want someone whom I can talk to and be myself. And I want him to feel the same way too. Therefore, the security can come in peacefully.

Nah, a friend always refers this security to financial matters. It's not a must, it's an added-value dear ^.*

For me, security sums it all. Are we asking too much?

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LoVe

Posted by Ddee at 8:48 PM