Sunday, December 31, 2006

...

Do you think that the biggest and most precious thing that a human has is the heart?
.
.
.
.
So, when it feels empty so suddenly,
as though a huge part of it was taken away,
and the remaining heart is just way too heavy to be lifted up Again...

I don't like it.
.
.
Till when should you fight and strive to make things work?
or simply to make it happens in the very first place.
How do I know if it worths the battle?

I don't know.
.
.
Am I just choosing to be blinded?
Is it real?
or am I simply dwelling in the past?

I feel tired.
.
.
Feels like it's been 'winter' all along,
Will my 'spring' ever come?

I don't like this feeling.
.
.
Will it work?
Will it ever come?
Will it worth my fight?



Picture taken from Getty Images.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, Emo~

Posted by Ddee at 5:06 AM

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

bus...buses....bus...buses...

Er...ask you ah..

How long will you wait till the 'right' bus comes?
How many buses passed before you decided to hop in?
How do you know if it's the 'right' bus?
Why do you have to wait for the 'right' bus?
When you realize it is not the 'right' one, will you bear and just wait?
Will you alight and hop onto another one?
or Will you alight and stop waiting?

I dunno....

ps: Exam results are out... ^^
pps: FYP is killing me. Gosh, I can't find any cash sponsorship now. What should I do? What...
ppps: I wanna go home for Chinese New Year. Should I? It's gonna be right after my event, and it may not be the right time to leave. Groupmates comment..er, that's after the event, we'll be busy with reports. Er..dunno ler! *aihh...
ppps: Poison vs. Jump onto Spore River vs. Runaway bride vs. Over-eating

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, Cr*p, UnHaPpiNesS

Posted by Ddee at 10:32 PM

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

another day has gone..

I had one of the best Xmas party ever in my life last Saturday. Not solely because I don't celebrate Xmas and thus the few fingers that can be used to count how many times I've attended such gatherings, but it was because the sharing that we had.

And sharing... is always caring ^^

A potluck party it was. From delicious Bishan's Hainanese chicken, home-made sandwiches and soup, unique and man-cooked Bhindi and Prata from Pakistan *I lurve this* to amazingly cute and yummy Middle Eastern cookies and Bristish tea. Sharon, Lucia and I tried to show our cooking skills by making banana choco which is supposed to be easy. But it was a disaster due to wrong choice of chocolate although it tasted nice *appearance can be deceiving*.

As usual, AIESEC is not complete without the dances and rollcalls. So, there we were...dancing the evening away and tried to shed some carbs *Thx that the neighbours didn't complain hehe*.

'I have never..' was the game of choice for that evening. And being the innocent angel as always, I could see some dissappointed faces when they could not make me drink *I chose green tea coz I can't drink*. But it was FUN looking at some people making fun of themselves *wakaka... and knowing them better.

At midnight, some of us invaded Jacqui's room and played 'Hotspot'. This games is where everyone takes turn to be the hotspot and the rest can ask any questions. From life, experience, relationship, aspirations to the most random questions that you can think of.

What's the most challenging event in your life?
What's the nerdiest thing you've done so far?
If you could change your nationality, what would it be?
What do you think have changed you the most for the past one year [means since I was elected as President of AIESEC in NTU this January or when I started my internship till now]?
What do you look for in a relationship?
Describe yourself in a sentence!
and many more...

I love such games coz I get to know my friends more and more, and in a way I feel as though we are more bonded. It was not easy to be the one who answered especially when the you don't want to give too much answer, or you simply have no idea how to respond. Yet, I don't mind sharing whatever I can and hope people could learn a thing or two from my experience or simply provoke them to think forward.

I am still glad I was there. Thanks to my members who organized it *really proud of you all...and thanks for those sumptuous meals yeah... . Thanks to Cecilia to let us use her condo. Thanks to everyone who came and made the most out of it. Thanks for all sharings. So happy.

Awh... Sharon mentioned that her fave song lately is What hurst the most by Rascal Flatts. She sent me the song before but I never really noticed the lyrics until she claimed that it was a great one. So... yah I browsed it, read it, and here it is... it is nice..and deep and meaningful.

Again, as a mellow Cancerian.... it is getting lonely here ^^'
and I don't like it.

S*it...

l..................................................................................................
........................o.........................................................................
...............n..................................................................................
.....e...................................................................................l........
........................................................y.........................................
...................................................................................................

***

What hurts the most
~ Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so closeA
nd having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Labels: AIESEC, Emo~, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 12:58 AM

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Monday, December 25, 2006

Santa is coming..

Merry Christmas everyone!!

May all the blessings and Christmas miracles happen unto you ^^
and...
Santa to go down your chimney and bring your presents

Ki wo tsukete.... Ja

Labels: HaPpiNesS, WiShEs

Posted by Ddee at 1:36 AM

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Santa..I want you here

My Xmas wish list:

• Ticket to Jakarta or somewhere with White Xmas *just wanna get out of Spore
• Sponsorship for my FYP puh lease hiks hiks... *just kill me for this ~ bonk
• 120G HDD
• Gimme back my lappie *whoaaaaa
• Devil
• ...

Will Santa come and knock my door?

Posted by Ddee at 11:45 PM

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

the seven lucky me

Tagged by Ste...so here I come!

7 Facts About Me

1. Super mellow. Not just that I am a sensitive Cancerian, I am a woman too. And a woman is a complex sophisticated creature..so here I am. From my MSN nick, the music that I heard, my Emo~ postings, my cry and laughters....they all scream MELLOW. Ok, even those who I barely know well claim this. What else?

2. Moody is in my blood. Cheerful and bubbly at a time yet quiet and dreamy at another second. Jumpy and loud at one time yet look exhausted and in deep misery at another. Gosh, even my hi-skul mates know this well...they were terribly scared by me when I am in bad shape.. don't ever talk to Dee when she's in her moody state. I won't bother ya... and yah you can talk to the screen or to my hand *waks...

3. I may look wild and party-animal, BUT I am not [IMHO hehe]. I don't drink [well, I don't like drinking and it may cause me rashes and allergy too] and don't like smoke at all. I do like dancing though. I am not a clubber as I can count how fingers to resemble my presence at those clubs.

4. If I don't like something then I don't. If you breached my trust, so sorry... no turning back. I don't like pretentious and hypocrite people.

5. I lurve chocolate and ice-cream and spicy food [yummy one ok, not just any chocolate or ice-cream]. Ah.. I am also a soupy eater. When I am stressed or depressed... I nibble alot. That's why I prefer to be busy and have lotsa work, coz I tend to skip my meals to finish em haha.

6. I expect people to be mature and responsible over what they commit, say and do. Hello... life is tough enough, don't make it worse by your irresponsible acts yar. Hence, some people say I am to demanding and perfectionist... well, you can have the same expectations over me though.

7. I dont' take relationship as a game. It is a serious decision that involves minimum two parties. Whether it's a happy or sad ending... I don't want to end up hurting people more. A friend says that I am better off as a best friend than a girlfriend *haha I am not as expressive as when I am just a friend wakaka...acc to this friend*.. So yah..I am just an ordinary girl who is afraid to hurt and be hurt. And yah..I do scare guys away!


7 Places I'd Like To Visit

1. I wanna be HOME now dee-sperately.
2. Can't decide, but I don't mind going to Japan, Korea and Taiwan as of now [I wanna go for exchange]
3. Switzerland.. again.
4. Canada [should experience and see if I would regret for not going there to study]
5. I need an escape... Maldives, Fiji... arghhh
6. Heaven *but I dun wanna die...can I recce?
7. It's not just the place... but most importantly who am I going with? or who I'll meet there?


7 Places To Eat

1. HOME SWEET HOME!! Mom's cook is the best ever.
2. Coca Suki... miss home... hiks hiks
3. Would love to try those restaurants and cafes at Clarke Quay.. if only it's FOC haha
4. Sushi Tei... slurpee
5. Ayam panggang Ibu Uun and Sop tangkar... TOP abis!
6. Penang Gurner Drive *wakaka
7. Seriously I can't think of any... as long as it's yummy and affordable, I won't mind; Although I do splurge at times haha *but not now..huhu


7 'Thank You' Notes

1. First and foremost... My Parents. Thanks for being supportive, extra understanding and for trusting me in whatever I do. I can never ask for better parents.... and I am not gonna do that too.. miss you muchie!
2. Crazy random sis and bro. Well...fight and arguments do happen, but at the end of it... we are one. Thanks for always standing by my side *bro...thanks for protecting me when I was a kid and super naughty. The scar on your forehead always reminds us on that :)
3. My friends... from HCHS hi-skul, Tarcy II, NTU... Gosh..thanks for everything. Ol' friends, thanks for always be there. Thanks for those karaoke sessions too.
4. My hi-skul teachers who believe in me. Man... mellow mode on huh!
5. My AIESEC family... what can I do without you all?
6. Thanks to everyone who has left their footsteps in my life
7. My angels and devil ^^


7 Girls I'm Tagging This

Er...anyone who wants to do this are very much welcome. Don't wanna add burden to you k.

Posted by Ddee at 10:44 AM

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Friday, December 15, 2006

gosh....it's an amazing NLDS ever

Disappointing!!

Yup, that's what one of my Executive Boards commented on AIESEC in Singapore Leadership and Development Seminar. He is disappointed 'coz it was ONLY 4 days. Great one! ^.*

It was a super BLAST I must admit. I can sense that the delegates change since their first day till the last day. The energy was superb. The performance was incredibly impressive that the facilitators' team was awed by them. The OC team was always ready to assist with smiles on their faces. I lurve it! I lurve to be part of this fabulous bunch of people.

Sessions time... with dances, rollcalls....You guys are impressive!

Although the first day was a lil boring due to the nature of the session, Developing Leaders Day which invited external speakers from Microsoft, CSR Asia, SMU and DHL, was another experience for me. The best was definitely our yellow mafia team - The DHL Asia Pacific trainees - you guys really rock the house. Yippee...

This is my second NLDS and last year, I was one merely of the delegates. This year, I joined a great bunch of AIESECers in the facilitators team. It's really an inspiring and eye-opener experience. 12 facilitators from Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Poland, Luxembourg, Egypt, UK, Canada and Russia. Can you believe that? Working with them was so much FUN FUN FUN. The synergy, the witty jokes, the lamest craps on earth, the 'ehm ehm' dances and rollcalls, the diversity of opinions, their wonderful ideas and so many more.... are worth missing. Miss you all! I am proud to say that I just found myself another 'family' in Singapore. Life can be lonely at times, especially when you're busy running by yourself.

HIV/AIDS World Cafe session...
WE have our own cheers that is so wrrooooonnggg *wakakaka

I like so many parts of this year's NLDS. I lurve the stamina and spirit that my @NTU members showed. I do hope that you guys learned and enjoyed this as much as I do. I miss those impromptu rollcalls that we created *remember when we sabo NUS?? hehe*, the sharing session that ended with pictures taking *hehe poses no 1438B and 1-10 k*, the discussion on world's issues, the LC Rewards and Recognition announcement and those group hugs ...gosh...gosh... You're unbelievable! Thanks for being my motivation to keep on running and striving for excellence yar. Let's do it together k!

@NTU poses no. 1 -9

Global Village on Day 3
*haha ate lotsa snacks from Taiwan, Egypt, Korea, India, Japan, etc..

Hm..seriously I am proud to be part of NLDS. I am proud to be selected into the faci team. I am proud to know so many great people. I am proud to have such EBs and members in my @NTU. And yah.. I am proud to be an AIESECer.

Hiks....post-conference depression mode is ON. And to make it worse, I lost my laptop with all the pics inside *shucks...shucks.. I lost all pics from Day 1-3 *OMG, how can I get those pics back??? I want them back!!! The value of the lappie lies in the content and data inside it. Gosh... I can't believe I feel numb over losing my 'unpaid lappie' but overtly depressed over losing those pics and data inside *tears flowing..shucks..

Hm..no matter what....Life goes ON!! We'll meet again somewhere, somehow, some time great bunch of people.

L-R: 'Bing gege' Taiwan, Sze Fei, Dee, Lucia, Jessie, Tom Taiwan

And now...let's focus on Final Year Project and my AIESEC Branding, Innovation and Social Responsibility talk *yay*...

Who rocks the house?
NTU rocks the house...
It's up and down... and all the way round.

I know you know we like... Owhh NTU...

NTU aha aha.. I like it aha aha..

Mwah....mwah... So honoured to be part of you guys.

Labels: AIESEC, HaPpiNesS

Posted by Ddee at 9:34 AM

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Friday, December 08, 2006

secret angel

Secret angel sent this message...

"What can I say about this girl? Amazing and superb leader! Never fail in encouraging people!! she is the only reason why I am still in AIESEC. always be there for others is something that is special bout her..Well,,I don’t think there is something that I want to write down here, except : Keep fighting dee! U deserve everything that u fight for! Keep being a fantastic leader!"

Right time to boost all my energy and motivation! Grateful for this, thanks ^.*

And yeah... 1 day to AIESEC Singapore NLDS'06.

Excited...

Charged...

WE CAN DO IT PEOPLE!! *woo hoo

Labels: HaPpiNesS, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 3:53 AM

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

i dun like e way you treat my group

What I need these days are....

1. 30 hours a day or ...
2. More hands to work at one time or ...
3. Super duper high-speed brain or ...
4. Gimme those g'darn sponsorship or ...
5. Let us whatever we want and leave it that way or ...
6. Minimum two efficient Personal Assistants

sprinkles with motivation, satisfaction and sense of ownership and we are set to go

really really really really really really really really really really really really
irritated irritated irritated irritated irritated irritated irritated irritated irritated
disappointed disappointed disappointed disappointed disappointed
pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed

Ow mai got... I sound so negative now.

ps: Thanks to Os for registering my subject ALL THESE TIMES *hehe* I never do my own subject registering since I entered NTU, and not even for this final semester *yippee...proud heh?

Labels: UnHaPpiNesS

Posted by Ddee at 9:59 AM

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

random thoughts

So glad that I made the right decision to buy these toys!

1. IBM ThinkPad X60s - Life is so much easier with this as I carry my data inside, but the consequence is that work is everywhere everytime. Still remember when Lele my rumie said that I work more with this new baby, even when I am having my meal *haha life is about creating....work!

2. Casio Exilim X70 - Yeah..my brand new digicam. Now I don't have to worry where I can borrow a digicam anymore. I can take pics wherever I want. I can take pics of those cute hunks *wakaka*. I can take funny videos to sabo people. I can store my life journey.

And hell yeah, it's a busy week now. FYP and my AIESEC pre-conference meetings are ON. But these two spark different emotions and motivaton. A total opposite....arghh!! Doishitee!! Owhh...our conference starts in 4 days!! Welcome delegates!

Still considering on what subjects to take next semester coz I only need 2 more: 1 Prescribed and 1 General Elective. Doesn't mean I am gonna be free though, coz FYP really takes a lot of time and energy and emotions *haha*.

Labels: Cr*p

Posted by Ddee at 12:35 AM

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Monday, December 04, 2006

dream of today

Wakakaka I dreamt that I secured myself a 5K sponsorship for my FYP project *darn..wish it's true haha

It's getting it's toll I guess...c'mon bring it on bebe!

10.00 - 15.00 : Work at fish pond
15.00 - 15.30 : Back to NTU
15.30 - 16.00 : Shower and prepare for AIESEC meeting
16.00 - 19.30 : AIESEC meeting
20.00 - 23.00 : FYP meeting
23.00 - 00.00 : Working time
02.00 onwards : Dream a lil dream of me.. *phew*

Wanan go homeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Labels: IdLe MoM3nt, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 9:25 AM

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Sunday, December 03, 2006

need to flush this

Final Year Project that's getting on my nerves and tight timeline to run it *gosh.. this 'client' makes us feel like we are sooo taken for granted*. Need to find sponsorship as much as possible, maybe even minimum of 10K to run the things smoothly and what makes it worse is that I don't feel ownership over the event. Really need to pull my hairs out...

Sick of empty promises...

And officially no holiday for me *arghhh....

Labels: LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 12:41 PM

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Friday, December 01, 2006

grateful dee

When someone tells you that your presence in the world does make a difference...

You should be really grateful.

For I am grateful for 'angels' who enrich my life, I am grateful I am also an 'angel' for someone else.

"I miss you warm smiles"

"You always cheer me up"

Grateful for whoever I have.
Grateful for whatever happens.
Grateful for everything.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn, LiFe

Posted by Ddee at 11:27 AM

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