Wednesday, April 04, 2007

loneliness kills

Dear diary,

It feels weird that I have no single idea on why I feel the way the I feel. I think I am confused over so many things and I don't know what to do. I don't like uncertainties, especially when I am expecting things to happen...or well..at least in the future.

A friend told me about the political situation in Ukraine. There's a tension among the president and the PM parties, both are Viktor :) Hm.. more than 30,000 gathered at Kiev, the capital of Ukraine. Hopefully it's a peaceful act for all. I want to go!

I am still waiting for the letter from the Ukraine. I think I troubled the people there to get me a new official authorised letter. This may take up to two weeks. Please give it to me in time and I hope that's enough for me to get my visa. I really want to go! Ah..I need to do a health check-up :(

Well, whether I will go or not, I am left with many things to do here. I have to start (really really start) packing my 4-yrs accumulated assets in Singapore and move them to my sis' place. Temporary storage place haha. Can anyone 'donate' more boxes to me please? I have no idea how to start packing my things, too many of them and I may use them within these few weeks time too. It's not that easy to pack and leave too yah *sigh...

Yesterday was also my 1st official meeting with my mentees. Three of them, and all girls. So, we're a 4-member family. Han Ling, Lucia and Lan, added up with Diana. So, it's HL2D or DHL2 or H2LD or watever. We talked about the ups and downs on my term, how we can survive and come out stronger than ever, our future dreams, ..., ... and @conferences. We reminisced on our NLDS which-was-successful-in-breaking-the-reservoir-of-tears (Thanks for making my last NLDS a memorable one friends) to my IC in Poland. It reminded me of my study trip to Gdanks, the friends that I met, the sweet things that happened, the ups and downs in a conference, the food, the crying scene (I didn't bring this up, but I remembered clearly about our last day, especially the Closing Ceremony) and many more.

I think I am very lucky to be able to experience IC inPoland in my life. To meet new friends that became a close friends in just a few days time. A friend who looked at you and knew that you're having a hard time, and just by looking at them you know that they do care. A friend who went to you and asked 'Are you ok? You looked sad today'. A friend who went the extra mile to 'make' a cup for you so that you can drink water (and not alcohol ^^). A friend whom you didn't need to talk alot when you're together but you treasure it even more. A friend that greeted you every morning and made sure you got what you need. A friend who was also your secret angel, looking from afar, protecting you. Sorry if I wasn't a good friend at all.

Hm.. I think my mellow mood is playing its game again. Maybe coz I finished Princess Hour (24 episodes) in 3 days, and I like it so much that it takes over more emotions that what is needed. It's sweet, funny, mellow movie that fortunately didn't take much of my tears haha the movie does show that sweet little things matter more.

Realized that my life is too plain after watching this movie. Emotional roller coaster. I like Chaegyung for being the 'sunshine' for everyone, and yet she noticed the loneliness in Shin's eyes. I like Shin for his warm heart and the small little things he did. Geez... Doing many things but having no one to share them, just add another pile of 'burden' inside. I miss sharing them.


I miss the hands that will hold mine.

ps: Sweet dream Diary. Promise you'll be there to share k.

Labels: ConTempLatiOn

Posted by Ddee at 11:08 PM